Deviation Actions
Literature Text
She stared up towards the heavens, searching the stars for an answer. Few were visible from the lights of the town. To her, they represented how few she had close to her, making the moon to represent herself. The stars farthest were the lives she had touched, but not made an impression upon. She had passed words or advice to them and faded back into the background. She would remember them for a time, but eventually names and faces would fade and disappear.
The stars that were close, but still distant represented her family. They knew her, knew her moods, but didn't know her inner thoughts. They were there for her to listen, but she didn't fully trust them with the deeper details. They were family afterall and the teenage thought was that parents would see one as a kid and most had was still in effect.
The stars closest were those she cared about, the ones she had love, did love, and cared deeply about. She would go out of her way to help them, even bring a smile to their face because she cared. Her memories would retain whatever she thought others found important. She never asked for anything back, but friendship and trust.
But trusting was and would always be difficult for her. If she didn't thrust them, they wouldn't gain a minute of her time or of her darker feelings. She wouldn't convience them if it inconvinced her. They just weren't worth it to her.
She was still learning to take her own advice. "You cannont control others' reactions." "You have to be true to yourself." "You can only give advice, you cannot force them to take it."
It was difficult to follow the first one. She knew that her reactions would cause another one, and rarely in her favor. Every action has a reaction. If she was upset, everyone was. Her thoughts raced to when she wouldn't reveal an ounce of them to anyone. She was a walking glass bottle, filled to the brim with all the pain and hurt, but overly pressured, very likely to break.
And that wasn't being true to herself, but she hated her emotions. She hated herself when she broke. She didn't like gaining attention in a bad way, or anyway for that matter. But she didn't like being a ghost, being invisible, being ignored. She had done that all her life at school and she just wanted to be accepted for who she was. She did have emotions afterall.
She hated those so much, emotions. She hated herself because she wasn't meant to have happiness. It would be the briefest of things for her. That's why she had no hope, no faith, and no trust in herself.
